Horrible Day

Soooo... I binged today.
5 nuggets and a McDouble.
(Disgusting)
I got rid of it, however, I got caught.
I played it off as me just being sick.
They sent me home.
Awesome.

Stay Focused.
Stay Strong.
Be Free.
~Khloé

It's Working

So, to get this fast started off right, I fasted yesterday and laxed.
I woke up this morning and I'm officially out of the 240's.
Nothing, and I mean NOTHING is going to stop me now.
A longer blog should be coming soon.

Stay Strong <3
Stay Focused <33
Be Free.
~Khloé

It's On

I'm so sick of working my ass off and restricting and still not seeing any fucking results. It makes me want to put a gun in my mouth and just end it all.

New Plan.
Fast until I get lightheaded from standing up.
Fast until I pass out.
Fast until I feel nothing.
Fast until I am nothing...

Khloé

Kudos

What for you might ask.
For being a shitty sister.
For having a Quarter Pounder and a Medium fry today.
For being a waste of space, time, and energy.

Kudos for being a failure.

~Khloé

Lazy People Rant

According to the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, the average American gains around 1.05 pounds during the months between September and March. Most of this weight gain (.8) occurred between Thanksgiving and January 1st alone. Granted .8 pounds doesn't seem that traumatic, they also stated that those pounds are easily accumulated over the years and not easily lost. That means from the age of 10-20, you could easily gain an accumulated total of 8 fatty pounds from the holiday season ALONE. That is DISGUSTING.
So, I've changed my hatred of winter just to the holidays in general.
Everywhere I go, people want to drink, eat, and just lay around. What is wrong with people? Calories, empty carbs, laziness... It's brainwashing. Yes, it is a little cold out but there is snow.

SNOW! Yea, remember that? What happened to snowball fights, running around like idiots, sledding, snow angels? Everyone just sits around on their lazy fat asses with their thumbs up their butts and their eyes PLASTERED to the TV. It's to the point that you have to scream to get somebody's attention because they are SO sucked into stupid modern day "entertainment". Then they will sit there and complain about how they need to lose weight yet when you ask them or suggest doing something that requires them to pry their butt off the couch, they won't budge. I'm moving forward and doing what I need to do. I refuse to be a pile of fatty mush that is fused to the couch. When spring comes, I'm going to be at least 20 pounds lighter and while they are still sitting there complaining, I'M going to be out living my life and getting everything even more under control.
There is more to life than TELEVISION, JUNK FOOD, SODA, and LAZINESS.
My biggest New Year's Resolution is to be more than that.
When all of my friends are under the "spell" of gluttony, laziness, and just lacking control of their lives, I'm going to be in control and in charge. This may come off as cold but I really can't stand lazy people. I used to be one of them. I hated what I became and I got out of it. But if you're going to be laying on the couch, watching tv like you do everyday and getting pissed when someone tries to talk to you about anything because they are interrupting your show, don't you dare freaking say that you're tired of being fat because IT'S A FUCKING CHOICE.
I don't care what anybody says. Being fat is a choice. You sit there all day, watch TV, shove food down your throat when your not even hungry... Those are your choices. Nobody elses. So next time you CHOOSE to sit around all day and then complain about your weight, DON'T complain to me because I can't bite my tongue anymore. I REFUSE to bite it anymore.

AND don't you dare start complaining about hip, knee, or any health problems that could be related to your weight and then DENY that you are fat because of your "muscle mass". BULL FUCKING SHIT. AHHHHHH I'm going to lose it.

Stay Strong <3
Stay Focused <33
Be Free.
~Khloé

Little mash-up of different lyrics to make something cool? I don't know, weird kind of thinspo for me I suppose haha.

Stay Strong <3
Stay Focused <33
Be Free.
~Khloé



SOS who gives a shit?
Sinking like a rock with a heart of coal
Sinking like a rock without a soul

Runaway runaway nowhere to hide
With darkness closing in on me
Through the endless night
Never gonna find the truth of it
Searching through the end of time
Pain is a part of our history
Runaway runaway nowhere to hide
With darkness closing in on me
Through the endless night
Filled with silent cries
I would I would die for you
Yes you know I would die for you

I would die for you

And I'll fight with all of my heart, and all a' my soul, and all a' my might
I give myself to you from the essence of my being
Got to give yourself up and then you become whole
You're a slave to yourself and you don't even know

Fighting lies with lies, with lies, with lies

We all were lost now we are found
No one can stop us or slow us down
We are the named and we are known
We know that we'll never walk alone
We're more than carbon and chemicals
Free will is ours and we can't let go
We are the image of the invisible
Remove the cancer, take back your souls



Good And Ready by Anti-Flag
Die For You by Pennywise
I Would Die For You by Garbage
King Without A Crown by Matisyahu
One Month Off by Bloc Party
Image of the Invisible by Thrice

It Starts Now

Customer: "You're too pretty to always have your head down sweety."
Me: "You should really save those kind of comments for those that actually apply for them." (walks away)

His face was priceless. One of shock mixed with puzzlement. It was the look that told me he was serious but in all reality, I didn't believe him one bit. However, the words that came out of my mouth was what caused me to turn and walk away.
The voice in the back of my head has finally begun to speak without permission or any sort of warning that it was coming.

However, I'm embracing that. It's a good sign. I'm ready. It's all coming together NOW. I'm not effing this up, and nobody's getting in my way. Jayde and Khloé are finally ready to be free. Although the uncertainties are endless, we are in this together, and whatever the outcome... It will be worth it.

Jayde: It's like, I can't just sit and chill anymore. Every time I'm alone it's horrible

Khloé: I'm the exact same way...
That's when I get like suicidal pretty much.
I feel like I'm stuck and I cant do anything about it. I just want to make it all go away. Just to make everything stop.
But then I remember Liz and I don't want to do that to my friends but still... I'm just sick of being here.

Jayde: Same here, I feel like my goal is so far away and I'll never reach it and even if I do, will I be happy?

Khloé: Exactly...
I'm 240.5
My gw is 110.
That's 130.5 pounds.
It seems so unattainable even though I am losing weight now...
But still, like you said, I don't even know if getting there is going to make me happy...
Will it be enough? Will I have the life I've always wanted? Will things come together? Or will i still be stuck?
I'm so scared that when we get there we're not gonna be happy

Jayde: Exactly!
I wish we could just get out of here. Just go somewhere, I don't know where but somewhere far away from here.

Khloé: I know. We wouldn't need anything. Nothing but part-time jobs, weed, alcohol, and a shack in the middle of nowhere. No food. No electricity. No cell phones. Just some form of music. It would be a fucking blast and we would lose weight like it was nothing. Come back, shove it in everyones fucking face. Then just walk away again. Fuck the people around here. Besides a very select few, I'm sick of the back stabbing bitches and the fucking dickheads. I'm sick of the same old shit every fucking damn day. I'm sick of trying to please everybody and then in reality I'm the one who is never fucking happy.
I'm not trash on the curb. I have fucking feelings and the fact that barely anyone cares to hear my opinions or recognize the fact that I do care and feel shit pisses me off.
I'm so sick of getting fucked over. even when I reach my goal weight I know a part of me will be fucking happy. Skinny bitches get whatever the fuck they want.
It's about time I get what I fucking want.
Hell, its about time we get what WE want.

Jayde: All I have to say is, Halle-Fucking-Lujah, sister!


Stats
HT: 5'5"
HW: 275
CW: 240.1
CGW: 199
UGW: 110

~ Let your mind start a journey thru a strange new world. Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before. Let your soul take you where you long to be...Close your eyes let your spirit start to soar, and you'll live as you've never lived before. ~
-Erich Fromm

Stay Strong <3
Stay Focused <33
Be Free.
~Khloé